I feel that I owe it to you all to apologize for my lack of posting lately.
The blog is truly not what it could/should be right now. And I need a place to vent.
To tell you the truth, I haven't been posting because I can't bring myself to dress nicely. Or put on makeup. Or really do anything with myself.
J has a new girlfriend. Already. After less than 5 months. We spent almost 8 years together.
If it had been up to him, he would have never ended our relationship. It was 100% my decision to end it.
So WHY am I feeling like my entire world is crashing to the ground around me?
Why is my planet destroyed? Why is my chest constantly aching?
Why is this the only thing I can think about?
And why do I feel like I am so alone...with no one to even talk to? Ha, even if I did have someone to talk to, I don't think I could accurately describe how I feel. I'm not trying to be overdramatic. Or dwell on the past. Or wallow in self-pity. It's not that at all.
But perhaps I should have never ended it to begin with. Perhaps I should have never taken a chance with what we had.
...and now I'll never have him back.
I feel like I can't breathe.