Saturday, December 25, 2010

My Apologies. Merry Christmas.

I feel that I owe it to you all to apologize for my lack of posting lately.
The blog is truly not what it could/should be right now. And I need a place to vent.

To tell you the truth, I haven't been posting because I can't bring myself to dress nicely. Or put on makeup. Or really do anything with myself.

J has a new girlfriend. Already. After less than 5 months. We spent almost 8 years together.
If it had been up to him, he would have never ended our relationship. It was 100% my decision to end it.

So WHY am I feeling like my entire world is crashing to the ground around me?
Why is my planet destroyed? Why is my chest constantly aching?
Why is this the only thing I can think about?
And why do I feel like I am so alone...with no one to even talk to? Ha, even if I did have someone to talk to, I don't think I could accurately describe how I feel. I'm not trying to be overdramatic. Or dwell on the past. Or wallow in self-pity. It's not that at all.
But perhaps I should have never ended it to begin with. Perhaps I should have never taken a chance with what we had.

...and now I'll never have him back.

I feel like I can't breathe.
Merry Christmas.



  1. Hello Casey, Merry Christmas to you first of all. And I think I truly truly know what you mean when you say your chest is aching and you can't breathe. I had this guy friend whom i liked for some time but he broke up with his girlfriend pretty badly and i wasn't sure when it's a good time to tell him so i never did but as it is, he found a new girlfriend pretty soon and it was then I had the same feelings as yours. I decided to spill and tell him but everything was too late.

    But Casey, you shouldn't regret your decision to end a relationship in which you are being taken granted of. Him not picking up your calls and him not calling when he said he would are signs of him taking advantage that he knows he can get away with. Ultimately you want to know that the guy has plans of wanting to be together with you in the future. That includes planning for the future. If he plays video games all day long, would you want your future with him to still be the same way? Instead of reflecting and changing out some bad habits, he decided to seek the other way out and get a new girlfriend, how much does it say of him that he misses you?

    I know i may sound harsh but i don't you to regret. Your heart aches, you can't breathe because you still have lingering feelings for him and you are obviously more in love with him than he is with you. I guess the next step to do is to slowly heal and find the happiness in some other guy who will really treasure you. I wish you all the love I can send in your way.

  2. Hey Casey,

    I know this is super painful, but I think it actually **proves** you were right in letting him go.

    He clearly was unable to be a grown up and do for himself. You deserve a good, strong man - that has as much to offer you as you can offer to him. Not someone who scrambles for the first lifeline he can find after being forced to be on his own.

  3. I know that there is nothing I could say, or anyone really, to make you feel better about your decision. So, I'm sending big ol hugs to you and wishes for a great weekend. **hugs**

  4. Hey Case,

    I've got to agree with Dee and Bianca, even though it hurts like hell, the fact that he was able to move on so quickly and easily, simply proves that A) he didn't care enough to ever make the effort to maintain your relationship and B) YOU DID THE RIGHT THING in breaking up with him! It may not feel like that right now, but don't let his actions make you second guess yourself! You are a strong, beautiful, and confident young woman who knows what she wants in life and you need someone who can see and appreciate that!

    It does take time, and yes, sometimes it will still feel like you got sucker-punched right in the gut, but the best thing you can do is dust yourself off and get right back on your feet...things WILL get better, I promise!

    As for feeling alone, well, don't think that, EVER! In times of need we all have our friends and family to turn to! And hey if all else fails, you still have us! ;) Cuz I know I would be more than happy to be there for you if you need someone to talk to!

    Stay strong bb! We are all here for you and you don't have to go through it feeling alone!

    *Big, Squishy through-the-computer Hug*

    -Christina <3

  5. merry christmas case and i am really sorry you feel that way. remember that everything happens for a reason. have you spoken to him after all that has happened?

  6. Merry Christmas Casey! I just wanted to add to all the supportive comments the other lovelyladies have already posted and that os that it's normal for us to seriously doubt our actions when we first see someone we care about moving on. We automatically assume that we didn't mean anything to the person, that he or she really was a catch and we were foolish enough to let them go, or that we'll never find someone else to replace them. However, I can assure you that's not so. It may take some time but in the end, you'll be glad you didn't settle. There's no reason for any woman to have to be content with Mr. Right Now. Better things await you...but all in good time. My advice is to never second guess decisions that you've made in the past because they are part of the learning process. They are what allows us to grow and mature spritually, emotionally and mentally. We all deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, devotion, admiration, and consideration. Someone who does not know how to prioritize is a waste of our precious time. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to grow up, to get with the program, to be who we want them to be. It's up to us to set the standards that establish our worth as women and as human beings. So...just you wait. This is all a work in progress. In the meantime, you have us to lean on!

  7. Wow...Thank you all SO much for the kind words. I never expected so much thoughtful support. And you're all right. All J is doing is proving to me that he- in fact- is NOT what I want.
    I just wish this moving on and getting over it thing wasn't quite so painful.

    I appreciate your kind words and support more than you will ever know. You all make me believe in myself and believe that I will find love again.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.